I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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