No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got inside last night via doggy door
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize