What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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