when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
