I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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