I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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