drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
