My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
