is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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