no, he came in my armpit
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I want to fling myself into the sun
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
