So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
