Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
