She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
