We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
