Screwed.edu
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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