So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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