I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
