God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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