I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize