fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
