Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
