I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
