I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
