At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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