U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
