I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize