I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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