She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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