We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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