i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Such a big mess for such a small penis
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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