Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
