Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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