Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
