I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
