I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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