Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
