Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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