On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
