he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
