I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
