when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
