The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize