I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
