Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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