just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i've created a new STD.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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