no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
