And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
