Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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