If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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