if you like me you must not know who I am
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
