i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize