Where did you get a picture of my penis
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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