that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize