dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
