also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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