Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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