After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize