I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
There's even glitter on my cock...
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