I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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