No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
