in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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