Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
