just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
