omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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