So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
