all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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