I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
