This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
