Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
