College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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