Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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