Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
