I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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