i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
